Why Doing It Alone Doesn’t Make You More Evolved | Blog

This last weekend, I put myself in the student seat and did a personal one-on-one retreat/immersion.

What’s opening up from that time is still unfolding, but I walked away with new clarity, feeling more connected to myself, my deeper wisdom, and life.

I feel more open, aligned, and hopeful.

I’m so grateful that I allowed myself to be supported. There is something profound in that direction.

As a person who helps others and has years (lots of them) of experience learning how the mind works, who we are at our essential core, and has studied human nature, our psychology, behaviors, and personalities, I had unintentionally isolated myself.

I was blind to how hard I was working to figure things out – by myself.

I mean, I know it’s just thought. I know beyond my thinking I have the potential for new insight and creativity. I know when I’m sped up internally and when I’m not. I know ruminating, cycling thoughts, and more effort don’t open new doorways – they keep us in our minds.

Yet, for the most part, none of that “knowing” was helping me. I was holding my experiences more lightly, but I was also waiting.

Waiting for insight. Waiting for clarity. Waiting for a breakthrough. Waiting for things to shift.

The more I waited, the heavier things felt and the bigger the obstacle seemed to appear.

I was using all my best ideas, learnings, and everything I could think of to get unstuck or see something more helpful, and it didn’t seem to be making much impact, so I would go back to waiting.

For the record, waiting isn’t my strong suit!

All my “I know what’s happening” or “I know what I need” and my endless self-evaluation weren’t’ leading me toward new awareness or a shift.

Finally, I surrendered. I stopped resisting the internal nudge and reached out for help.

There are some powerful new awakenings that I look forward to sharing over the coming weeks. For today, though, I want to focus on the initial surrender that allowed the others to surface.

The surrender of self-protection, self-consciousness, and my ego.

I allowed myself to be supported.

Talking to friends and colleagues is natural for me and has been a huge source of love and support. Yet, I could feel something else on offer here – if I could surrender.

Once I got open, I could see that life was giving me a gift and an opportunity. All it asked of me was to surrender and allow myself to be guided and held while I faced myself fully.

I didn’t have to do it alone. There is no badge for doing it alone or for not needing a guide or teacher. Doing it alone doesn’t make me more evolved, insightful, or a better teacher or coach.

The experience of surrendering to another human is intimate.

That intimacy is profound and beautiful.

I felt the power and intimacy of love via support. I felt safer facing those tougher feelings, and the unconscious beliefs I didn’t know were beneath the surface.

I was reminded of the gift of this kind of support throughout the immersion.

Via support, guidance, and the beautiful container we created together, I had multiple aha moments and experiences.

• When I let go of the ego and allowed myself to be real, honest, vulnerable, and open with whatever was present, I felt alive.
• I had a “felt experience” of the richness available when we allow what is alive to move through — the richness and aliveness in the full range of our human experience. 
• I could see my coping mechanisms with more insight and grace. I could meet myself with more love and understanding, and as a result, things were dissolving and unraveling. 
• I didn’t realize that I had been cutting off my own experience and aliveness by dismissing feelings or thinking I would be reinforcing thoughts if I allowed myself to feel more. 
• I experienced my ability to be fully present to all of me. 

Again, there is more to share on what is unraveling and emerging over the coming weeks.

For today, I am inviting you to ask yourself, “Can I allow myself to be supported?”

Being seen deeply heals us.

Allowing ourselves to be seen, as is, heals us.

Surrendering to this intimacy with ourselves and a guide, teacher, or coach is an act of self-love.

In the end, it’s why I do what I do. It’s why I love holding space for others and guiding them. I have seen the magic and the profound awakening available for others.

I just forgot – that means – me too.