Where are you starting from? In your day? In your work, your relationships and your creativity? Where we come from, inside ourselves, matters. It shapes everything that happens afterwards. It shapes, what we see as possible; it shapes our choices, our understanding, our perspective, our communication, and ultimately our actions. Where we come from, is our starting point. 

You can see evidence of this everywhere. When we're more neutral, we have more perspective. When we're more reactive, we are often more impulsive. When we see the world or ourselves as limited, our choices are limited. What we choose to say from an upset mind is often different than what we choose to say when our minds are more settled. 

You can see this as well when you consider “where are you listening from”. Meaning, where are you listening from inside yourself? Are you listening from memory, from what has worked or not worked in the past? Are you listening from other people's ideas and strategies? Are you listening to try and get it right?

One of the things that has been fascinating for me is discovering that there is a difference between listening to all my ideas, my opinions, my insecurities or my preferences and listening to my deeper intelligence. I was surprised to see how often I was listening from memory versus being in real-time listening to what was present now. 

In those instances, my starting point was often filled with all sorts of conclusions and assumptions about what would or wouldn't work. Or fears about getting it wrong. My starting point was fixated on finding the right answer. Another way to say it is, I was tuned in to the “how not to mess this up” channel not realizing that there was a more powerful and aligned channel – my true nature. My deeper intelligence.

Depending on where we are starting, what occurs to us to do or say will be very different. 

While visiting with a good friend over the weekend, we were talking about a big decision she has recently made to leave her company and start her own business. There are a lot of unknowns, but she is ready to make the leap and is certain that this is the right move for her. As she says, “I am clear that this is in alignment for me.” While she is certain that the time is now, even with all the unknowns, she is also nervous about how her boss will take it. 

We were discussing the upcoming conversation with her boss; she was trying to figure out the best way to tell him. When she was worried about his reactions and trying to find a way to circumvent them, different ideas would come forth. She thought about waiting a few months, she thought about the right time of day, she was rehearsing different responses in her head and as a result of all this, she got torn & confused about the decision. 

When she let it go for a bit and her mind settled down, she once again knew the time was now. She realized she could not control his reactivity and that she would be fine no matter what. At that point, she was more peaceful and something else began to take shape. She started to feel her strength and the depth of knowing that she could handle whatever came up. Waiting was no longer an option that made sense. From this space and place she was able to speak to him with her own clarity. This was her starting point. From there she was able to weather the storm of his reactions and find their way back to the care and respect they have for each other. 

Another example is a leader I was working with last year. He felt immense pressure to meet the goals of a growing business. He was worried if he didn't keep his “edge” things would slide. That transferred to his leadership and communication. He believed to get people to show up fully, you needed to put pressure on them. If you did not create the pressure and urgency, then those goals would not get met. This was his starting point. As a result, that edge and tension was felt by his team and it wasn't long before the whole team was living in a state of stress and burn out.

During an intensive with this leader, he began to see the connection between the quality of his mind and his well-being. He understood the logic that we perform better when we're not under stress however, he thought his edge was one of the things that made him successful. That said, something was nudging him to explore and see if there was another way. Could he let go of pressure and edge and still get results and lead others effectively? 

As soon as he became open to this question, I knew he was set. His openness and curiosity were all that was needed. That demonstrated that he was already coming from a different place. HIs starting point had already shifted, and I knew new ideas would naturally come to him as a result.

Over the three days we were together he got inspired to go back and see what would happen if he wasn't such a “crazy person” – his words, not mine. He was coming from a new understanding and was hopeful that it would benefit everyone. Over time, that proved to be true. As he learned to let his usual pattern of worried and urgent thinking pass, he would come back to a quieter and in his words, “wiser mind”. To his surprise, not only did they meet the goals, but his team stepped up in some surprising ways. He was seeing new skills and competencies in his team that he had not seen before. 

These examples demonstrate what is true for us all. Where we come from, inside ourselves, shapes what comes after. It shapes what we see, what we hear, our ideas and our actions. When we slow down and check-in, we can see what channel we're tuned into. Are we starting from a place of insecurity, worry, frustration or attachment? Or are we starting from a place of noise or our internal signal?

When we learn to tune out the noise of our stirred-up minds, the opinions of others or formulas we think we should follow and instead listen to our deeper intelligence, we move forward aligned to what is present for us. We hear our own knowing and we find our way from there.

When we listen to see what is beyond our conditioned thinking or ideas, we start from fresh and new. We discover a depth of being, depth of insight, depth of creativity and connection. Our work, our relationships and our lives are enriched from this starting point.

Where are you starting from?