How to Connect and Influence with More Ease | Video

How to Connect and Influence with More Ease | Video

Last week I was in a conversation with a leader that has been personally impacted by seeing how in a free and present mind she connects more powerfully with her team and peers. 

She is a strong leader with excellent communication skills. Leading well and having a positive impact on others has always been important to her. She has served in very senior roles and has consulted and mentored leaders from various fields. She is considered one of the best and admired and sought after by men and woman across many industries. When people meet her, they immediately respect and enjoy being in her presence. 

Yet, what others don’t know is how hard she was working on the inside. Like me and so many people I encounter in my work, she didn't realize that connection, rapport, influence, and goodwill for others do not require effort or self-management. When our minds are free and present, those states are natural – they are our default setting.

You might be asking yourself, “If she was already doing so well, why does it really matter?”

If we don't understand where the real source of connection, rapport and influence comes from there is a major downside. And that downside comes in the form of wear and tear, stress, pressure, overthinking, always feeling like we have to be “on” and never feeling like you can take your hands off the wheel. 

That level of hyper self-management leads to constriction, burnout, and feelings of burden. These states affect the quality of our minds. They keep us distracted and are huge energy drains.

There is another way and it’s easier than you may realize.

Once this leader began to experience the relationship between presence and deeper connection and rapport with her colleagues and teams, she quickly began to see that all the extra effort and worry were not serving her or the situation. 

She was laughing and sharing with me that others would have called her easy going and calm, but her internal state was far from that. She describes her previous internal state as tense with pressure to be one step ahead of people in every exchange and a burden to “get it right”. 

When we allow our minds to clear and we get present, we naturally connect to others more powerfully. In a present, free mind, we have natural empathy, compassion and understanding for others. We do not have to manufacture any of this. 

We are able to respond in the moment. We draw forth the best in ourselves and in each other. We get helpful information in the moment. With a less distracted mind, we get to the heart of the matter.

I’ve seen it for myself and my clients. Communication gets simple. We are more efficient and effective and experience more goodwill for one other. Even the challenging situations are easier to resolve.

Good will and understanding are the natural output of our connected presence to another person. From this space, influence becomes a collaborative space versus a need to convince or persuade. A “meeting of the minds” takes place.

When we understand and experience our innate ability to connect, have rapport and understand others, we walk away from exchanges with more energy not less. We trust in our ability to find our way in tough conversations or sticky situations. 

Once this leader saw all the extra effort she was putting into her communications, she was able to step into tough conversations with less worry and most shocking to her, less preparation. She has been pleasantly surprised at the outcomes that have come from this new realization. So much so, that she is telling everyone she mentors and leads.

Watch the video below as I share my own humbling journey as I too saw how busy I was in my mind and how much it kept me from really connecting with others. Spoiler alert…I didn’t know there was more connection and depth on offer.

“From this space, influence becomes a collaborative space versus a need to convince or persuade.”

From our engaged presence we connect with others more powerfully and authentically.

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Barbara Patterson is the owner of a global coaching and consulting company helping solopreneurs, entrepreneurs & leaders access more clarity, creativity, have greater impact and higher levels of fulfillment in work and life. She is the founder of Beyond Limits in Business, a global platform and community designed to point people to the source of human potential. That potential resides within and is experienced via our minds. Barb is also the host of the Real Business Real Lives podcast. You can follow Barb on Linkedin and Instagram. You can also subscribe to her weekly blog on her website at 



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